i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize