Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
