party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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