I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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