3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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