Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
