I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
