she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Farmville is her only friend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
