I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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