I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
