Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
