I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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