Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Pooping to opera.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
