I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
