i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
