I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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