Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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