he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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