walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
