just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
