There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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