dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
