For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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