I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
