I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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