I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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