i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
