im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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