these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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