I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
