it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
