I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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