textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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