Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found your dick twin last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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