Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
