do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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