But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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