I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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