A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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