I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
