He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
