That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
