Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
where are you?
Hypothermia
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
