i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
