If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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