Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize