like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
