failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We left the knife in your bed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
