Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
