the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
