Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
