i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
