I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
