I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
