you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my being single is dangerous.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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