You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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