doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
