His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
