I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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