And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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