I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Randomize
