I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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