Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
