Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
