Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
