How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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