Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
