we have officially lost it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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