we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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