someone owes me an orgasm
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
