i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are the jesus of drinking
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
