I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm jealous of your bromance
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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