I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
