she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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