The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dear god my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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