She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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