SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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