I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
4 words: hood of his car
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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