dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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