____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
