i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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