false alarm. still invincible.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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