better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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