I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
