Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
