Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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