I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do herpes really smell.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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