So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize