Your face is a jimmy john
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I touched a dick in church today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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