He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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